I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
