i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
