ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
