i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As shirtless as possible
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
