I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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