VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
