I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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