The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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