i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
