WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
