May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
