Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
