She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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My vagina just clenched in fear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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