Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
