The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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