ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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