I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need moral support for this bender
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
