Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
