Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
