well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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