they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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