He asked to "fluff my boner.."
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Randomize