Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
