Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
