My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
