Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
