i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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