Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
