Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
