i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
