But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
