hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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