My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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