i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
try to milk me bitch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
