Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
