why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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