Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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