I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
