It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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