Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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