so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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