theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
