Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
