You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
