Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize