im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
