Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
