Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
