His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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