we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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