like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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