last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
