i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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