someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
