Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
