Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
