My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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