booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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