based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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