i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
