when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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