Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
