Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
