who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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