omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
